I'm not ill anymore!!

Ok so about the title... `Tepara and I were having one of those conversations where we basically just talk a load of crap and laugh about it. Fun times. It came around to talking about completely outrageous things but, in the long and short of it, I said I wanted a stamp that said "I swallow" so guess what. She made one.


In other news, give me a big pat on the back. I quit smoking I haven't had a whole cigarette in 8 days now. I'm so proud of me.

I'm still ill for fuck's sake

Things I'll never say. Anyway, I nicked this from ^Jules1983. The idea is, you write stuff that is directed at people you know but don't say their name. It can be people you know on or offline, both works. So! here we go

1. You ruined my life. You made me feel worthless and unwanted and it's taking so long for me to try and see that you were wrong. I hate you more than anything or anyone else in this universe, but still I hope you're alive so that one day we'll meet again and I show you just how strong my hatred is for you, you've always been a source of fear but I will make the tables turn.

2. A lot of the time I wonder where I'd be if you and I had never met and I always come up with the same answer. I wouldn't be here at all. You've given me strength, courage and always been there no matter what. In the past I've told you just how much I hate you and want you out of my life and you've done the same, we've hurt each other more than anyone else ever could, and still you're here keeping me going. No matter what I say to you or however much I have the ability to hurt you and vice versa, please never leave. I'll die without you. I want you there when the world ends, sitting with me, watching the stars fall.

3. You cause me so much trouble and you have absolutely no idea that you do, but I never want you to change because I love you just the way you are.

4. You've done so much for me that I will always feel like I owe you something, even if you say that I don't. You taught me so much and cared for me when it seemed like the world was turning its back. I guess I just want to say thank you.

5. You rock my world. I'm so happy that I know you, no matter how crap I feel you always know what to do or say or what not to say; you brighten my day. We've managed to create a very special bond with a strong connection and I really think I'd be sad for weeks if that ever got broken somehow. You make me feel like I'm someone and I truly adore you for that.

6. We argue so often it makes me wonder how we've managed to become (and stay) such close friends. We disagree on what seems like most things and piss each other off to no end and yet I'd defend you with all my might because I know you're worth that and so much more. I love you.

7. You could have been something much more than you were. You had such potential to be someone great but I have my doubts that you'll ever become what you could be. You were smarter than the rest of us and didn't want to be like the others. I knew that deep inside you wanted to leave like I did and I know that what you saw and felt still haunts you, but unlike me, you had nowhere to run to. I hope we can meet again sometime, I'd like to know how you are and what you're doing these days and if you're pursuing your talents. I always felt like a big brother to you even though you were 2 years older than me and I guess that feeling hasn't faded yet, I still want to know that you're alright and I want to protect you, despite the way you used to treat me and how cold you were. If you're still alive then I know I'll find you one day, you'll see.

8. You're special to me and we were close, but lately it seems like there's nothing to talk about. I hope we can sort that out in some way because I think you're so much fun and we can have such a laugh. Try telling me whats on your mind some day.

9. You're more like a brother to me than any of my brothers ever were. You look out for me and try to make sure I'm ok, you bring me ice cream when I'm feeling down and tell me things to make me laugh. You're forever telling me how much potential I have and that I should stop giving up on myself and although I have a tendancy to scowl at you and say you're picking at me, I need you to keep doing that because somewhere deep down I know you're right. I try my hardest to be there for you when you need someone too, but I know you're holding back sometimes for my benefit - don't. I can handle it.

10. It makes me sad that I never got to know you and that you weren't there to watch me grow and teach me the ways of the world. I want you to know that I miss you and I really hope I'm making you proud. You'll always be in my heart.

[EDIT: I'm still not feeling very well, in fact i think I've gotten worse. I'm sorry for the lack of my presence... I know I'm usually around here and on MSN all the time but I just feel shite, basically put. Gimme another couple of days and I should feel better - I hope ]

I have discovered that no matter how crappy I feel, Caramelldansen can make me feel a lil bit better. I have it on repeat right now. Really loud.

So, I'm ill. I've been trying to fight it but it seems to have won. In addition to that, I'm having one of those days where nothing seems to be going right and it's really starting to bug me.

I've been making a list of things I need to have on my new computer and what it needs to be able to do... when I go to the computer shop I'm guessing they're going to tell me to get a mac, at which point I will make a face like this: I hate mac. PC all the way.

I'm also going to have to argue with the consultant... I can see it happening already. They're going to try and sell me Vista, which I will point blank not accept. I'm keeping XP probably for about as long as I kept '95 and '98, which is about a year or 2 longer than everybody else

I have the Adobe Creative Suite. It has everything. I'm really excited, but I gotta wait for the new computer before I can install it. Click that link then look at the "What's Inside" tab... that's what I got It makes me very happy.

Last thing for this journal, sorry for the lack of DDs from me. Most of my energy is going into getting better at the moment, and the rest is going into working out what to do with the gallery changes.